I hate Candids

I hate candids. I never look good in them. I see people take them and post them on social media all the time, and I always ask myself how? Other people are so dang cute! It can really grind on my self esteem.

Candid 2
A photo taken of me today on my porch- and yes, I hate it.

As a women’s liberationist, I feel ashamed of my aversion to candids, especially when that aversion is only to my own. Of course, no one said I had to have a great self esteem in order to be for women’s freedom and liberation, but I feel just this slight tinge of hypocrisy; after all, whose standards am I following?

It’s most certainly not my own. How do I know that? Because when I see other women with my body type, I think they’re beautiful. I’ve never seen a woman that I did not think was beautiful. I see women who look a lot like me, because let’s face it, I’m a red headed white girl in America, there are lots of me.

So why am I judging myself? Because I’m judging myself by societal standards, and I just don’t think I match up. Women are supposed to be model level gorgeous at all times, but not too outspoken, and we definitely aren’t supposed to like the way we look, especially without makeup.

I yearn for a world where all women, including myself, will be able to look at pictures of themselves without makeup or gender conforming presentation and love themselves. I mean absolutely love themselves.

I know countless other women for women’s liberation who feel the same way. I’ve struggled for so long over jealousy of other women. I’ve hated myself for it. Why are you doing this? Why are you like this?

It’s because we as women are conditioned to be jealous. We work for the patriarchy when we work against each other. We all struggle with jealousy, it’s socialized into us from a young age.

So this Women’s Day and after, I challenge myself. I challenge myself to try to love myself, while also loving my fellow women, because no, I don’t need to give into the tireless socialization of her against her. In reality, we need to be united. I ask my fellow women to work on loving themselves, because you are beautiful, just the way you are, whether you conform or not. It will help us all if we learn to shun to socialization that was designed to tear us apart.

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