How do I even begin? Where do I end? How can I ever meet this word count when I’m done telling the story? I know I need more, but what? Should I even finish it?
These are the questions that run through my head every time I open my novel. No matter how much I write, though I see the word count increasing, I feel as if I’m farther away, unable to grasp what I want- to be finished this damn novel already.
It’s not that I can’t, I know I can, it’s just that I want so desperately to be successful that I feel I need to set a time constraint on myself. I feel as if I need to be deeply immersed in this project. As a college student, that isn’t always feasible. I have a life.
When life gets in the way, I begin to fade. In my writing journal, I’ve been keeping a ton of my thoughts on my novel, stories and other projects, and I came to one conclusion- I need to find a way to stay connected. I need to update this blog more often. I need to start posting short stories. I need to begin to utilize my free time to the maximum.
Being in two areas of the arts isn’t easy. As my upcoming recital gets closer and closer, it’s beginning to take up most of my creative time (as it should). Dealing with two worlds is crazy, but finding a way to juxtapose them makes me feel even crazier. How do I have time for English when I’m working with French, German, Spanish and Italian? When do I have time to develop plot when I’m learning my notes? How do I have time to sit alone and just let lose on a blank page when I have to learn to be in front of people? How can my two lives mesh?
This is something I’ve been struggling with for the longest time, and in talking to other artists, I’ve found some solace in the fact that they have trouble doing the same. I have two loves- music and writing. I need to create like I need air, but I have terrible time management. It’s hard for me to work on things outside of class- let alone to know if they’re any good or not.
Keeping my journal and my blog up to date is the first step, scheduling in time to complete all of my creative needs is the second, and celebrating that I’ve finally broken 37,000 words is the third- because it’s okay to feel proud of yourself, even if it has taken me the better part of a year to get this far.
It’ll be done soon…at least, I hope.